Nori, An Ingredient For Sushi

Mistress: 'You seem to have been in a good many situations. How many mistresses have you had, all told?'
Maid: 'Fifteen, all told—and all told what I thought of 'em.'

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 159.
September 15th, 1920.



FOR DAYS, weeks, I have been restless. To be precise, since Pak Lah's wedding. Scores of Malaysians have wished him 'Selamat Pengantin Baru.' Zorba that I was, I had joined in the chorus. And then somebody had to spoil it. Somebody who said: 'Pak Lah, I hope you are a better man now that you've married Jean(ne) Danker.'

What a thought.

Would indeed Pak Lah be a better man? Does marrying your housekeeper-cum-sister-in-law make a man a better man? Does it matter that she is Eurasian, formerly Catholic but Muslim since her marriage and subsequent divorce from (bear with me here) Pak Lah's late wife Endon's brother, Osman? (There is yet to be compelling evidence that interracial marriages among the ruling classes spontaneously translates into better race relations among the plebeian.) Does it matter that she holds a diploma/degree in hotel management and formerly worked for the Hilton?

Now, personally, I don't know Jeanne Danker. From what I've gleaned so far, she is/was a decent person. No alarming habits, in fact a quiet, go-about-her-work-never-talk-back sort. The kind you would gladly leave your kids with while you and your missus go about a night in town.

Which was probably how the rest of Pak Lah's family, friends and colleagues saw her right up till the second Pak Lah dropped his bombshell.

People are saying Pak Lah's daughter, Nori, took it particularly hard.

Now that I think about it, why shouldn't she?

Let me sidetrack a bit. I have this friend, Lani, who till today hides money from her husband. Why? Well, her mother and aunts tell her that all men are celaka and sial (rotten and accursed). Men, these women say, are deceitful, depraved and disloyal. First chance they get, they'll go after another hussy. When you're old, don't count on them being around. Love you after 50? Love? You'd be lucky he even pays for your Kentucky Fried Chicken. Poor Lani, so she hides money from her man, watching and waiting for the first signs of deceit, depravity and infidelity.

What's the relationship between Lani and Nori, you ask?

Did I tell you Lani has a maid?

For years, I've observed Lani's rough treatment of this maid. Do this, do that. Fool, idiot, hurry up, don't make me slap you. What struck me as odd is how Lani's docile and affable husband just sits back and allows all this to take place. The man's relationship with the maid? Two words: zero contact. Lani's husband has no say whatsoever as to how the maid lives, how she works, whether she should even exist at all in his household. He acknowledges her once in a blue moon with a grunt. Any direction she is to receive, Lani dishes it out. Even if the maid were standing in front of hubby and he wanted a fresh towel, hubby speaks to Lani and Lani then conveys the order to the maid before the towel travels from the linen cupboard to his hands. Remember Sigourney Weaver's character in Galaxy Quest, the one who repeats everything to and from the ship's computer to the commander? Yup, that's the way things functioned over at Lani's house.

Lani's ghost are all these women who dallied with the men of her clan. Her father ran off with his secretary. An uncle ran off with his maid. Another uncle didn't run off but made the maid his second wife and took her in to live under one roof. Her male cousins -- all company directors, presidents and VPs -- routinely have affairs with female subordinates in the workplace despite being 'happily married.'

Poor Lani. Poor Nori. No wonder they're all flipping. I have a feeling that right this minute a lot of women in Malaysia are pondering their relationship with their maids. To these ladies, all I can say is: choose wisely. Then if you decide to hire them, treat them kindly. For when you die, they might end up being the mistress of your house, the stepmother to your children, the inheritor of all your precious clothes and jewels.

And to Pak Lah: Dear Sir, you are the Prime Minister of our country. In you, lies our dignity. What you do will be emulated by men in this country. It's good that you have a wife. But it's better if you have wisdom.